Title: My one and only Changmin
Author: S.H..Y=Samantha

URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/houa_02/

Reviewed by RyoMaXMaSuke@faithful-dreams



1. Title: 3/5

- I’ve seen a lot of titles like this before and well it’s not that interesting. I don’t see the connection of the story to the title. But your story is on-going.



2. Poster and Background: 8/10

- I like the poster and background. The text color didn’t bother me while reading so it’s okay.



3. Forewords: 8/10

- The forewords were short and simple and it was like any other fic but the summary was okay. I’ve never read an artist and then the reader is the main character before so it’s kinda new to me.



4. Plot: 7/10

- The plot was somehow different from others but I feel like I’ve read something similar to it. I think making the reader the leading lady of the story is a great idea, I rarely see those or read those. The plot was somewhat refreshing to me. Well, I’ve seen stories where you can buy a girl but then your story had some twists to it.



5. Flow: 9/10

- The flow was okay but some parts were a little rushed.



6. Grammar, Spelling, Vocabularies: 10/15

- I’ve spotted some grammar mistakes but some of them were unnoticable. I’ve also spotted several spelling mistakes but all in all it was okay. Your vocabulary is okay but there is room for more.



7. Characterization: 3/5

- I’m somehow confused with the personalities of the guys because when you described them in the first chapter, I expected the actions of the guys to be different. It’s like Jaejoong become Yunho. And I still don’t get Changmin’s mom and of course the reader’s [me] personality either.



8. Originality: 7/10

- As I said, your plot is somewhat refreshing to me and I’ve seen plots like this before but your story has its twists.



9. Writing Style: 7/10

- Your writing style is definetely different from others but it was still understandble. I was a little confused with the blank thing so I think its better if you give the reader a name but if you still want to continue the blank thing, its okay.



10. Overall Enjoyment: 12/15

- Even though it was short, I still enjoyed and I didn’t expect the plot to be like that because of the title. Anyway, good luck in your story!



Total: 74/100

Title: Operation Boyfriend!
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Crashed_ANGEL/
Author: CrashedANGEL
Reviewed by: RyoMaXMaSuke

1. Title: 4/5
- It did fit the story but it was a little too common.

2. Poster and Background: 9/10
- Your poster and background are so cute. I like it a lot. But sometimes the text color kind blended with the background so it bothered me while reading.

3. Forewords: 8/10
- The forewords were simple and short. You inserted a Summary of the plot there and the characters’ personalities. But what made you lose points is that because of your description in your characters’ personalities.
Jaejoong’s and Linzi’s description was okay but when it moved to Yoochun, it suddenly changed. You just put phrases and then that’s it! Unlike Jaejoong’s and Linzi’s their description was in whole and complete sentences.

4. Plot: 7/10
- The plot was very common and I’ve seen a lot of fanfics with this theme. But I liked how you displayed the characters because it did put a lot of twists in the story.

5.. Flow: 8/10
- The flow was okay but in some parts of the story, it was rushed. Don’t rush your story or you’ll get out of ideas.

6. Grammar, Spelling, Vocabularies: 8/15
- I spotted a lot of grammar mistakes in the story. For example:



You wrote:

I smelt the fresh air flow over my face which I knew was coming from my open window.

Should be:

I smelled the fresh air as it flowed over my face, which I knew was coming from my open window.

+ Smelt : to melt or fuse in order to separate the metal.

You wrote:

Changmin still wasn’t back with Linzi and he had been gone the whole day much to Yunho’s disappointment who was still dying to lecture Changmin.

Should be:

Much to Yunho’s disappointment, Changmin wasn’t back yet with Linzi and he’d practically been gone the whole day.

You wrote:

"Did you guys realize that he had gone somewhere?" Yoochun asked walking into the kitchen as both myself and Yunho shook our heads.

Should be:

“Did you guys realize that he had gone somewhere?” Yoochun asked as he walked to the kitchen whilst in response, both me and Yunho shook our heads.

You wrote:

"Changmin!" Yunho let wrip storming out of the kitchen with Yoochun and Junsu following.

Should be:

“Changmin!” Yunho stormed out of the kitchen, dying to lecture Changmin, whilst Yoochun and Junsu followed him.

You wrote:

She only ever used to call me 'Jae' when she wanted something.

Should be:

She only calls me ‘Jae’ when she wants something.

You wrote:

On normal mornings when he woke up at 10am he was usually okay but times like this when he woke up at 7 he wasn't the most nicest person to talk to.



Should be:



When he wakes up at 10am in the morning, he’s usually okay but times like this, when he wakes up at 7, he’s not the best person to talk to.



You wrote:



"Hey what are you guys doing here?" I asked looking at Lee Donghae, Kim Kibum and Choi Shiwon who were stood infront of me.



Should be:



“Hey, what are you guys doing here?” I asked, looking at Lee Donghae, Kim Kibum, and Choi Shiwon, who were standing in front of me.



You wrote:



After a few seconds of her not moving from the spot she was stood in I let out an intentional cough.



Should be:



After a few seconds of her not moving from the spot, where she stood, I let out an intentional cough.



You wrote:



Linzi had Junsu in a head lock while Junsu was reaching out to Yoochun who was sat on the couch with Changmin and Yunho watching in amusement.



Should be:



Linzi had Junsu headlock while Junsu was reaching out to Yoochun, who was sitting on the couch with Changmin. Yunho just watched in amusement.



You wrote:



"Are you crazy?, you know how Changmin gets possesive over things. I've seen him when there was only one last piece of sushi left up for grabs, I nearly lost my pinky because of that incident and now you want me to transform him little sister into a guy magnet without his consent. Are you just trying to get me killed because it would be much easyer if you just asked me to commite suicide" Ayumi rambled on as I flinched at the word 'guy magnet'.



Should be:



“Are you crazy? You know how Changmin gets possessive over things. I’ve seen him when there was only one piece of sushi left up for grabs. And I nearly lost my pinky because of that and now you want me to transform his little sister into a guy magnet without his consent? Are you trying to get me killed? Because it would be much easier if you just ask me to commit suicide!” Ayumi rambled on as I flinched at the word, ‘guy magnet’.



Your grammar needs work and when it does get that work, I’m sure you’ll be a greater author.



Your spelling also needs work. I found a lot of spelling mistakes like, ‘earlyer’ should be ‘earlier’ , ‘sarcasticly’ should be ‘sarcastically’ , ‘defencively’ should be ‘defensively’ , ‘refearing’ should be ‘refering’ , ‘carryed’ should be ‘carried’, ‘scaired’ should be ‘scared’ , ‘sence’ should be ‘sense’ , ‘interigate’ should be ‘interrogate’ , ‘especually’ should be ‘especially’



Your vocabulary isn’t that wide either. I suggest that whenever you write a chapter, you have a dictionary beside you. It helps you enhance your vocabulary and it also helps your spelling.


7. Characterization: 5/5
- For me, I really understood each character even though it was Jaejoong’s point of view. I think the reason is that, you make it that Jaejoong really know his members and of course, Linzi. The person I understood the most was, of course, Jaejoong.

8. Originality: 7/10
- Not that much original. I’ve seen loads of stories like this but because of your characters’ personalities, the story had some twists to it.

9. Writing Style: 8/10
- Your writing style is neat and understandable but you need to work on your punctuation marks because I’ve seen little of that. You also need to be more descriptive, elaborate Jaejoong’s feelings more so that way your readers won’t be so bored.

10. Overall Enjoyment: 9/15
- It was okay. It wasn’t what I expected but I enjoyed it. But most of the times I was bored because you really lack description. It was very hard to visualize the story.

Although, I really liked it when Kim Nona came in the story, I like her personality a lot and how she contradicts Changmin. It made the story livelier, for me.

Total: 73/100

The End by UnknownViet

Reviewed by HidayahF luv GuiLunxWangXun


Title: 5/5
The title fits the story..

Poster and Background: -/10
I won’t insert this into the evaluating system since you already told me you are still waiting for your request ^^

Forewords: 6/10
I was quite statisfied about the forewords..Well,not too statisfied actually..

Plot: 9/10
It's quite refeshing.I think I've seen this kind of plot before.But,it makes me interested in your story..!!

Flow: 10/10
You gave me an ending.You handed me a start.The flow is okay but not that great,it's ok for me..

Grammar, Spelling, Vocabularies: 12/15
Your grammar is ok but you made a lot of typing errors,,,Well,people makes mistakes right?So as I..Nobody is perfect..

Characterization: 5/5
I love how your characters bloom with your writing.It's really good...Well keep it up girl!

Originality: 10/10
I loved the whole idea and all about this story.I would elaborate but my mind is really blank that time!

Writing Style: 8/10
It is neat and understandable.Well,good job girl!

Overall Enjoyment: 13/15
I really enjoy this story..Maybe not too enjoy..Because I'm not a Korean addict..I'm a Taiwanese addict..Sorry if I'm rude..But your story is really good!Keep it up!Hope to see your story in winglin again!I hope you will be a good writer in the future!!!

Total: 78/100

High School Romance by NaNa
Reviewed by Jwyl


1. Title: 4/5
I’ve seen too much stories with the words ‘High School’ in it.

2. Poster and Background: 9/10
I really like your poster. But I think the background would be better if it wasn’t as bright.

3. Forewords: 7/10
Summary could have been a bit better and explained more thoroughly.

4. Plot: 7/10
Needs to be more thought out.

5. Flow: 6/10
I think you’re speeding things way too quickly. The characters are falling in love with each other way too fast. And then, all of a sudden, three new guys pop in. I just think maybe taking it slower might be a better idea.

6. Grammar, Spelling, Vocabularies: 8/15
I spotted quite a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes as I was reading your story.

7. Characterization: 5/5
I like the way you write how the characters feel towards each other.

8. Originality: 8/10
I think it is able to become even more original if you just thought things differently.

9. Writing Style: 8/10

10. Overall Enjoyment: 10/15

Total: 72/100



I’m sorry if you don’t like your score. But you’re definitely able to improve. Good work though. I’m a fan of Arron and WuZun too : )

Title: On and On {SM challenge} *COMPLETED


Author: Pink Princess



Reviewed by: changminXmc

**** I have nothing against this author, further to this will be my opinion and what I think of the story as a reviewer.

1. Title: 5/5


* I think the title was perfectly fit for the story.

2. Poster and Background: 8/10


* The poster, I think it was really well made. The background was good as well. Though I felt it could've been made with a feeling of more sadness.

3. Forewords: 9/10


* The forward was interesting and sad. Made it an angst feeling for me.

4. Plot: 8/10


* The plot was interesting. But seemed more oringinal, but then these stories are my favorite. Sadness but still happy.

5. Flow: 8/10


*I think your flow was good. I didn't see any point where you rushed but I did feel like you should've added more detail of what happened before and why Junsu died. What did he die from?

6. Grammar, Spelling, Vocabularies: 13/15


* I saw little error/mistakes when I was reading this fanfic. But besides that, it was good.

7. Characterization: 4/5


* Hmm, I didn't see any characterization. But I don't think it bothered me. Since the character was on the poster and in the fanfic, the character was told. But I still felt that you should've wrote or had the character in the forward to tell people who the fanfic is on.

8. Originality: 8/10


* The creativeness of this was really good. I really like sad stories like these. But I must say, you left somethings unanswered. But I don't think this is anything new to me.

9. Writing Style: 8/10


* Your writing style is a little different from what I read in fanfic's. But then I understand that author's/writer's has many style of writing so I respect that. But all in all, it didn't bother me much.

10. Overall Enjoyment: 13/15


* To tell you the truth, I was not much into SuYin fanfic's. But this story was really really good. I really enjoyed it, but something made it alittle boring. But over all, I enjoyed this story.

Total: 84/100

P.S.

* I do not give out perfect scores, none so far. But I must say, you did a really good job on your fanfic. I really liked it. ^ ^

Title: Blinded Memory [completed]


Author: ShadowYin



Reviewed by: RyoMaXMaSuke

1. Title: 3.5/5


- I really like your title a lot. It says a lot about your story because basically she doesn’t remember her childhood CLEARLY. It’s a simple yet meaningful title. BUT a title which contains the word ‘Memory’ in it is pretty common in winglin. So, I may not click your story if I was browsing in winglin. I suggest that you find a word that also means memory, perhaps, Reminiscence?

And your title shouldn’t have a period.

2. Poster and Background: 5/10


- I DID like your poster BUT what confused me the most is that the title on the story was not on it but I do understand that you changed it after you requested the poster but you could’ve requested in the same site and explained to them that you changed the title of your story and asked them if they are willing to re-do it. I would also like to point out the pictures of the characters in the poster. I think it would be more appropriate if Ren and Yamato together with Reila are in the poster. You can put Shunsuke too because he does play a big part in the story.

3. Forewords: 4/10


- I have to say that the FOREWORDS ARE VERY IMPORTANT. Your forewords are way too short. I do appreciate, you putting the characters on it and you did put a VERY brief introduction. That helped but not that much. AND you CAN’T just write,

Name: Reila Kamiya


Age: 15


Looks: Short black hair, brown eyes…. So on…


You did write you weren’t good with descriptions but at least you should TRY and if you try, who knows you might be good at it or maybe it will improve your skills.


I suggest that you put a brief but yet meaningful introduction.


A Prologue maybe, containing how Reila escaped her parents and went to America , how she applied to Akadou Gakuen. Please be creative. An author needs creativity.

4. Plot: 11/10


- The plot was very common and it seemed like a sequel for Gokusen 3. Although, I love your cliffhangers, your twist and turns. Especially, the end, I LOVE it! I don’t fancy unhappy endings but this time I enjoyed it. I was squealing the whole time I was reading it.

5. Flow: 4/10


- Your flow was very rushed. It was like everything happened just like that! How Yamato liked Reila just like that, how they found out she was a girl just like that, how she mistaken Yamato just like that. It was VERY rushed. I was expecting Reila’s secret to be kept for a little longer. If your story’s flow is very fast, your story will be short. And you have to be creative of how it happened, write it so that the readers can imagine better. Yamato can’t just like Reila like that, that needs progress and you need to think of how Yamato’s feelings for Reila progresses. This will make the readers understand more and they wouldn’t be so confused.

6. Grammar, Spelling, Vocabularies: 9/15


- Dear, you need to work on your spelling, vocabulary and grammar. I’ve spotted lot of spelling mistakes, ‘realise’ should be ‘realize’, ‘comming’ doesn’t have a double m, so it should be ‘coming’ and ‘hospitalise’ should be ‘hospitalized’. These are just some of your spelling mistakes, I did spot more but it’s not that much.

Your vocabulary is not that wide thus causing you to repeat words and that bores people.

Your grammar is fine most of the times but there are times that your grammar is NOT fine. [you get me?] For example:

You wrote:

Many years ago, His real sister died of a disease, when she was only 2. Their family was heartbroken. Shunsuke was only four going on to five. Even at a young age he had to see and accept such things. And it was at that age he started to rebel. At the night of his sisters death was the night I was abandoned. I was also two at the time. So their family accepted me as a family memeber. Shunsuke adored me, and treated me like his real sister but he just could let go the fact that his real sister was already gone. I understand, it's a place that no one can replace in his heart. But the truth is he used me as a sub replacement. He treats me like how he would of treated her. That's why he cares so much. And for that...No motter what reason it is...I am really thankful to know I have such a great brother.

Edited:

Many years ago, Shunsuke’s real sister died of a disease at the age of 2. His family was heartbroken. Shunsuke was only four turning five. At such age, he had to see and accept such painful things. These things caused him to rebel.

The night of his sister’s death, was also the night I was abandoned. I was also two at that time. His family found me and accepted me as a member of their family. Shunsuke adored me and treated me like how he would have treated his real sister.

I didn’t believe that he could just let go of the fact that his real sister died at an early age. I understood that it’s a place that no one, not even me, can replace in his heart. The truth hurts. I accepted that I was just a replacement for his real sister. But he cares so much for me and I also care so much for him. And for that, no matter what reason it is, I am really thankful to have found such a great brother.

7. Characterization: 3/5


- Okay, here I was REALLY confused. At first, I thought that Reila was a tomboy. I thought she was tough. But then that changed. Reila appeared in the story as a weak and typical high school girl. And as a Gokusen fan, I know the characters’ of Gokusen personalities and in this story they changed. Especially Yamato.

8. Originality: 7/10


- I think your story is somehow original and somehow not. I can’t really explain but somehow I feel that way about your story. I really like the ending, even though I don’t fancy unhappy endings. BUT somehow the story seemed like a sequel to the story. So, it kinda feels like it’s based on the story of Gokusen 3. But then, I also felt your story was quite original because of the twists you put in the story that I don’t see in other stories.

9. Writing Style: 5/10


- As I said before, work on your grammar, spelling and vocabulary. And I’m telling you to stop using … a lot. It’s okay if it’s a dialogue but if it’s not in a dialogue, please avoid it cause it annoys me a LOT.

I was also confused with the P.O.Vs a lot especially with Reila. I suggest that you don’t put your readers in Reila shoes, because that just makes it more confusing, for me. I don’t know about others. But you should just use Reila’s P.O.V, so that it won’t be so confusing. And if you’re gonna do a P.O.V or flashback, kindly make it a little longer because I felt it was a little too short.

And what I also don’t get was the NORMAL written on top of some chapters or after a flashbacks. I really don’t get it.

10. Overall Enjoyment: 10/15


- I enjoyed it but in some parts of the story I was pretty bored. The thing I also like in your fic were the advices Yankumi gives. It really does help in life.

I hope the sequel goes great and I hope this review helps you.

Total: 61.5/100

Title: Disturbia


Author: HidayahF


Reviewer: Racheal

--------------------------------

Title: 1/5

I know that you like the song ‘Disturbia’ sang by Rihanna, and you decided to write a story using the song’s title, yes? Even so, the story completely had nothing to do with the title. Plus, if I were just a reader browsing at Winglin, I wouldn’t even bother to click this story cause it wasn’t that attractive enough. Also, on my opinion, people who uses songs titles as their fanfic titles lack creativity.

Poster and Background: 3/10

Marks taken off cause there weren’t any poster. Background’s simple and dark that suits the story title but not the story itself.

Forewords: 3/10

My dear, you DO NOT just write the character’s personality && introduction just like that and end it just like that. If I were just a reader, I definitely would not continue reading on and left.

You have to include a short text, intro or an extract a paragraph from your story to make suspense. That way you can keep your readers because forewords is where it’ll determine whether your readers stay or not.

Plot: 7/10

Plot’s pretty common and predictable. I suggest adding some twist in the story to spice it up a little.

Flow: 5/10


The flow wasn’t steady plus it was going rather fast. I know Hebe && Arron likes each other but it’s like chapter 2 and suddenly they confessed to each other just like that.

Grammar, Spelling, Vocabularies: 7/15

I think maybe you should go through your English textbook or the dictionary. There are some sentences that I don’t even understand like in chapter 1; She out of her room,,,
HUH? What’s that? I know your saying ‘She got out of her room’ if that’s what your trying to say but please write it nicely. And what’s with your ‘,,,’ after every sentence you wrote? I’m not sure if it’s a typo or that’s really how you write things but please when you see that mistake please please please please change it to ‘…’. Don’t just leave it like that when you see an error.

In chapter2, you wrote ‘I will come there immediately’. If you want to go to a certain place away from your spot, you don’t write ‘come’. You write ‘go’, like ‘I will go there immediately’.

Chapter 3; your wrote;

Wang Zi:The way you speak,,,looks weird,,,,

Editted;

“The way you talk sounds weird” said Wang Zi.

You don’t look when someone is talking, you hear right? And what do you hear when people’s talking? Sound. ‘He sounds weird’

Characterization: 2/5

Characterization wasn’t that good. Maybe because it’s in script writing so you couldn’t express more on your characters cause it wasn’t really anything like how you wrote in the forewords about their personality. It’s like, all of them have the same personality.

Originality: 5/10

I said before in the ‘plot’ section that the plot’s predictable so marks taken off for that.

Writing Style: 5/10

Firstly I really really want to say, NO SCRIPT WRITING.

Script writing is really more for drama/movies and what you are writing here is a story. You do not write script writing in stories. Why? You can’t express more on your characters; you characters sound dead – no expression at all. Plus, I have no idea what’s going on in some parts. If you really want to stick to script writing so much, please add some narrating sentences or something to keep us where we are.

And I saw that in the last 2 (or was it 3?) chapters, it wasn’t in script writing anymore, so all’s good.

In chapter 3, you wrote that Arron was wearing something that made him look good for the party. Can you like describe what he was wearing? Instead of just telling us it looks good, I’m sure that there are people who’re curious on how he look like on that day.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/15


Frankly speaking, I didn’t enjoy the story one bit. It was a bore to me that I didn’t bother to read some scenes. I’m sorry but this is the truth from my opinion. Maybe it’s nice to read and exciting for your readers but not me.

NOTE : I’m sorry if I sound harsh or I’m very strict but I’m here to help you improve yourself. I hope that you wouldn’t get discourage from my reading my review but instead help you in your next chapter or story. Besides, even though I didn’t enjoy reading your story, at least you enjoy writing them and your readers enjoy reading them.

Total: 43/100