Title: Operation Boyfriend!
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Crashed_ANGEL/
Author: CrashedANGEL
Reviewed by: RyoMaXMaSuke

1. Title: 4/5
- It did fit the story but it was a little too common.

2. Poster and Background: 9/10
- Your poster and background are so cute. I like it a lot. But sometimes the text color kind blended with the background so it bothered me while reading.

3. Forewords: 8/10
- The forewords were simple and short. You inserted a Summary of the plot there and the characters’ personalities. But what made you lose points is that because of your description in your characters’ personalities.
Jaejoong’s and Linzi’s description was okay but when it moved to Yoochun, it suddenly changed. You just put phrases and then that’s it! Unlike Jaejoong’s and Linzi’s their description was in whole and complete sentences.

4. Plot: 7/10
- The plot was very common and I’ve seen a lot of fanfics with this theme. But I liked how you displayed the characters because it did put a lot of twists in the story.

5.. Flow: 8/10
- The flow was okay but in some parts of the story, it was rushed. Don’t rush your story or you’ll get out of ideas.

6. Grammar, Spelling, Vocabularies: 8/15
- I spotted a lot of grammar mistakes in the story. For example:



You wrote:

I smelt the fresh air flow over my face which I knew was coming from my open window.

Should be:

I smelled the fresh air as it flowed over my face, which I knew was coming from my open window.

+ Smelt : to melt or fuse in order to separate the metal.

You wrote:

Changmin still wasn’t back with Linzi and he had been gone the whole day much to Yunho’s disappointment who was still dying to lecture Changmin.

Should be:

Much to Yunho’s disappointment, Changmin wasn’t back yet with Linzi and he’d practically been gone the whole day.

You wrote:

"Did you guys realize that he had gone somewhere?" Yoochun asked walking into the kitchen as both myself and Yunho shook our heads.

Should be:

“Did you guys realize that he had gone somewhere?” Yoochun asked as he walked to the kitchen whilst in response, both me and Yunho shook our heads.

You wrote:

"Changmin!" Yunho let wrip storming out of the kitchen with Yoochun and Junsu following.

Should be:

“Changmin!” Yunho stormed out of the kitchen, dying to lecture Changmin, whilst Yoochun and Junsu followed him.

You wrote:

She only ever used to call me 'Jae' when she wanted something.

Should be:

She only calls me ‘Jae’ when she wants something.

You wrote:

On normal mornings when he woke up at 10am he was usually okay but times like this when he woke up at 7 he wasn't the most nicest person to talk to.



Should be:



When he wakes up at 10am in the morning, he’s usually okay but times like this, when he wakes up at 7, he’s not the best person to talk to.



You wrote:



"Hey what are you guys doing here?" I asked looking at Lee Donghae, Kim Kibum and Choi Shiwon who were stood infront of me.



Should be:



“Hey, what are you guys doing here?” I asked, looking at Lee Donghae, Kim Kibum, and Choi Shiwon, who were standing in front of me.



You wrote:



After a few seconds of her not moving from the spot she was stood in I let out an intentional cough.



Should be:



After a few seconds of her not moving from the spot, where she stood, I let out an intentional cough.



You wrote:



Linzi had Junsu in a head lock while Junsu was reaching out to Yoochun who was sat on the couch with Changmin and Yunho watching in amusement.



Should be:



Linzi had Junsu headlock while Junsu was reaching out to Yoochun, who was sitting on the couch with Changmin. Yunho just watched in amusement.



You wrote:



"Are you crazy?, you know how Changmin gets possesive over things. I've seen him when there was only one last piece of sushi left up for grabs, I nearly lost my pinky because of that incident and now you want me to transform him little sister into a guy magnet without his consent. Are you just trying to get me killed because it would be much easyer if you just asked me to commite suicide" Ayumi rambled on as I flinched at the word 'guy magnet'.



Should be:



“Are you crazy? You know how Changmin gets possessive over things. I’ve seen him when there was only one piece of sushi left up for grabs. And I nearly lost my pinky because of that and now you want me to transform his little sister into a guy magnet without his consent? Are you trying to get me killed? Because it would be much easier if you just ask me to commit suicide!” Ayumi rambled on as I flinched at the word, ‘guy magnet’.



Your grammar needs work and when it does get that work, I’m sure you’ll be a greater author.



Your spelling also needs work. I found a lot of spelling mistakes like, ‘earlyer’ should be ‘earlier’ , ‘sarcasticly’ should be ‘sarcastically’ , ‘defencively’ should be ‘defensively’ , ‘refearing’ should be ‘refering’ , ‘carryed’ should be ‘carried’, ‘scaired’ should be ‘scared’ , ‘sence’ should be ‘sense’ , ‘interigate’ should be ‘interrogate’ , ‘especually’ should be ‘especially’



Your vocabulary isn’t that wide either. I suggest that whenever you write a chapter, you have a dictionary beside you. It helps you enhance your vocabulary and it also helps your spelling.


7. Characterization: 5/5
- For me, I really understood each character even though it was Jaejoong’s point of view. I think the reason is that, you make it that Jaejoong really know his members and of course, Linzi. The person I understood the most was, of course, Jaejoong.

8. Originality: 7/10
- Not that much original. I’ve seen loads of stories like this but because of your characters’ personalities, the story had some twists to it.

9. Writing Style: 8/10
- Your writing style is neat and understandable but you need to work on your punctuation marks because I’ve seen little of that. You also need to be more descriptive, elaborate Jaejoong’s feelings more so that way your readers won’t be so bored.

10. Overall Enjoyment: 9/15
- It was okay. It wasn’t what I expected but I enjoyed it. But most of the times I was bored because you really lack description. It was very hard to visualize the story.

Although, I really liked it when Kim Nona came in the story, I like her personality a lot and how she contradicts Changmin. It made the story livelier, for me.

Total: 73/100